


Your Soft Breathing

by ibean



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comforting, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Insomnia, I’m new at this so I’m not sure how to tag, M/M, My First Fanfic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad Choi San, jealous yunho, mingi is lol, potential smut?, unknown crushing, yunsan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-19 08:08:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29747538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibean/pseuds/ibean
Summary: San is frustrated. The life of being an idol is nothing like the one he had admired and worked for for all those years. He was lonely, sad and tired.
Relationships: Choi San/Jeong Yunho
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46





	1. Practice upon practice

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I’m bean, this is my first time ever writing a fanfic or even being on AO3... I am not too confident in my writing as my grade over the years could say that I’m not the best at the subject. Though I’ve frequented this site enough to eat that I’d like to try at the very least! This is my favorite ship in ATEEZ because of the soft dynamic the two has and I’d really love to write something about it! Again I’m not too confident but I’ll try my best! Please let me know of any concerns or questions!

Choi San was so frustrated. He should've known what he was getting himself into when he signed that contract. For god sakes he had admired so many idols when he was in his younger years and knew about the struggles. It just seemed like he’d much rather focus on how much fun these groups of friends were having in front of the cameras then pay attention to the little mentions of frustration they were having. If that damn contract had stated that he’d be sleepless and see his family like never then maybe he’d reconsider. But now it was too late. He had spent 12 hours in the dance studio with his group mates and tried his hardest to perfect the choreography just like the rest. They have to work harder, even harder than some other groups because they were new. Newly debuted and not trying to disappoint. Each of the bodies in the room covered in sweat and breathing heavily before plopping down onto the cold wooden ground. San himself wasn’t too experienced in performing, he had always seen himself as more of a singer but as his time spent in the studio increased he would often hear small compliments from their instructors and group mates on his impressive improvement. Those small moments do help occupy his mind before it slips away quickly just for him to feel horrible once again. 

After they had rested enough Hongjoong stood up with a grunt, “We should probably clean up and head to our vocal lessons huh?” Everyone groaned at this, it seems like the day should be ending, it was already 9pm and all the boys wanted was some sleep. San heaved himself up from the ground and felt his jelly like legs wanting to give out. He stumbled a bit but managed to gain his balance before replying with a simple “yeah...”. All 8 of them exited the dance room and quickly reached the shower room that was just across the hall from the studio. This was done probably for convenience because otherwise San doubted his friends would be so eager to walk around just to find a shower when they could plop down some extra minutes to rest before getting into the vans that’ll bring them to their next location. With each of them hurrying into their own stalls to shower he made eye contact with Yunho who hadn’t yet entered his stall. The taller of the two had a smile on his face like always and commented, “tired?” Tired was an understatement but San just smiled back sheepishly. The water felt great against his skin and the sweat that was previously clinging onto his skin had now cooled him down. Due to this they all left the building fully dressed with their coats on, the cold winter ear brushing against them made the cooling of the sweat even breezier. 

They had two SUV’s that’ll be transporting them to their vocal lesson meaning the 8 of them will be split into fours. The first car being Seonghwa, Hongjoong, Wooyoung and Yeosang; the other being San, Yunho, Mingi and Jongho. The boys who were usually talkative and loud when taking their rides were characteristically quiet after their rehearsals. It was always like this, their morning rides would be chaotic while their evening ones would be calm. San was the first in and limply found his way to the back where he buckled himself in and laid back as comfortable as the car seat would allow and Yunho followed finding his place next to him. The remainder two groaned as they hoisted their sore bodies into the car.

With the lavender scent of the car San quickly found his vision blurring and his heavy lids shutting. But right when they had fully closed no matter how comfortable he had gotten himself, he couldn’t for the life of himself fall asleep. _Come on San... you have 30 minutes to take a nap... please just fall asleep!_ Desperately he internally shouted at himself. For some reason the male just couldn’t sleep without having something comfortable to hug, when in the dorms he’d have to make do with scrunching part of his blanket up to hope that it’ll suffice but it doesn’t work all the time. Concentrating on falling asleep almost made it impossible for him to sleep in the SUV and Yunho could see San’s small figure shift from place to place. He calmly tapped San’s smaller frame and asked, “Do you want my sweater?” It wasn’t that the boy was cold and the taller knew this, he offered the sweater much as a huggable piece rather than a blanket. Of course this flew right over his head because San cocked his head to the side confused and began to mumble, but before he could, Yunho chuckled, “To hug.” Without the other even giving a response, the sweater was already being stripped from the males body and bunched up before being placed into the younger's arms. San’s little sleeping habit wasn’t too well known amongst his band mates and probably only Yunho and Wooyoung knew this. The warmth of the sweater in his arms was lulling him to sleep and before his eyelids betrayed him, he quietly looked up at Yunho with a smile and mouthed a “Thanks”.

It wasn’t long till they reached the bright building at 10pm and Hongjoong’s groups SUV had reached the parking lot first because of them leaving first. Mingi and Jongho who had sat in the middle of the van stretched their arms before looking back to signal the other two. Mingi gave out a small chuckle as he looked back at the smaller body who had his head resting between Yunho’s neck and shoulders. _If it isn’t for the seat belt San might be snuggling up into him_. The male thought before exiting the confined space. The 6 of them stood outside waiting for the other two, with the younger on his shoulders Yunho softly ruffled his head and murmured, “We’re here.” And with that San immediately jutted himself from the others shoulder and looked around. He wasn’t a light sleeper but not deep either, his body was well aware that the day wasn’t over and so the small sounds that came out of Yunho’s mouth sounded like an alarm to him, subconsciously jolting him awake. With his blurry vision he blinked a couple of times before focusing on the older and the piece of clothing in his arms. The door of the SUV was completely opened allowing the cold air to travel through as it wished and even with his jacket on, San felt how cold it was. Yunho on the other hand only wore a t-shirt that he had brought to change out of the sweaty clothing he had on during practice. A gasp quickly arose from the youngers throat as he hurriedly unfolded the thick piece of clothing in his arms and wrapped it around the larger figure.

Yunho would admit that he was freezing as the heat from the car was escaping but seeing the worried expression on San’s face was totally worth it. He didn’t know why but he always had a soft spot for him. Maybe because of the way the small figure had easily opened up to him just after a few meetings. With his jacket now adorning his figure Yunho asked, “Ready?” 

After the small bit of adrenaline that had rushed through him, San again felt the weight of life hit him once more and mustered out a yes before following the other out of the car. When they both stepped out into the parking lot they had both noticed the giggling and amused faces of their group mates. Too tired to question this the two just joined the 6 and walked into the building.

By the time they had left the building it was already half past 1am and they were no different from zombies by the way they were walking. Jongho especially looked tired as he was still a student and with the amount of lines he had to sing and it’s difficulty it was extremely draining. And again for their travels back to their dorm the 8 of them would be split into the same teams once more. Just like earlier San tucked himself into the back corner of the car and expected Yunho to be following close behind but to his surprise it was the other pillar of their team. Mingi quickly found his seat next to San and signs as he ran his fingers through his hair that had fallen onto his face. San didn’t really pay this much attention as he again struggled to fall asleep but Yunho on the other hand knitted his eyebrows when he saw his spot had already been taken. Well of course he hadn’t written his name on it nor had he bought the seat but it was... was what?... he didn’t know why he felt this way but he just convinced himself that because they were roommates they should be sitting together. Jongho was growing impatient as he stood out in the cold waiting for the large body to take a seat so he could enter, sighing he commented, “Hyung are you just gonna be a statue and block the door?”

With this Yunho sighed and sat where Mingi had sat earlier. This earned a sly smile from Mingi because he knew his best friend well, maybe a bit more than the other male knew himself. Seeing the scene from earlier, the male had learnt that San seemed to like hugging something before he could sleep, otherwise why would his best friend offer his whole jacket to him? Knowing this Mingi looked over at San and asked, “wanna link arms? It might help you sleep a bit better.” Hearing this Yunho shot his head up and looked back at the backseat. He gave his trusted friend a scowl and received a sly grin in return. Sheepishly San nodded and wrapped his arm around Mingi’s and without much thought rested his head on the other's shoulder. It wasn’t news that the group was comfortable around each other and that some of them didn’t mind skinship but San seemed to enjoy it the best. Not minding any of the hugs given by the members or the fan service. Yunho almost scoffed at the sight behind him because he felt betrayed. He didn’t know why but he genuinely didn’t like that San was being affectionate with Mingi like he was with him earlier. 

With this he was in a fowl mood during their ride back. The car was warm but still not the most comfortable temperature to feel comfortable. Every now and again some cold air manages its way through the small cracks of the door and brush against any skin that’s being exposed. Feeling the light touch of the cold air, San snuggled tighter into the arm he had linked around and grunted quietly to himself. Yunho most of the time on their way back to the dorms would take a nap so he’d at least have the strength to get ready for bed later but this time he just couldn’t. He constantly found his eyes wandering to the rear-view mirror to check up on what the two were doing behind them. Each time he’d feel his eyebrows knitting harsher than the last. Honestly if his temples were yarn, he could knit a whole scarf by the way he was scowling. It isn’t usual for the tall idol to show anything but happiness on his face but when he isn’t, he at least still has the corners of his lips curled up. But as of now he was full on frowning. 

Mingi knew that Yunho was taking peeks and to amuse himself he met eyes with him through the rear-view mirror and whispered softly, “What’s wrong best friend? Are you feeling unwell?” His tone was sarcastic and fueled the hinge of jealousy in him. The two had known each other for a while and because of this, they tend to know what the other was thinking about. They acknowledge each other’s action and register it quicker than with the other members. Knowing that Yunho is someone of jealous nature Mingi just wanted to mess with his friend. After all there was no harm to this, perhaps Mingi even knew more about Yunho’s feelings during this time then the pillar even knew of himself. Gritting his teeth he took in a deep breath, “it's nothing. I’m perfectly fine.” With that, he stopped his glances into the mirror and just rested his head back on his seat. 

Jongho who sat next to him was busy on his phone but Yunho can visibly see that the younger was bopping his head back and forth lightly and his eyes were closing sheepishly. _Ahh... falling asleep but still want to play on his phone I see..._ He had quite a competitive relationship with Jongho but honestly they were all competitive to a certain extent. It’s just the taller felt the need to not lose to the youngest baby of their group. Seeing that the boy could no longer hold in his tiredness and putting his phone away to get a bit of shuteye, Yunho smiled to himself. Before long the two SUV’s will be parking in front of their dorms. With the cars pulling in, most of them awoke and got ready to head up to their own little sanctuary and get some sleep. The four from the first SUV again made it there before the second and like usual, no matter how tired the boys would wait till they all were out before going up to their dorms. There’s no ifs or buts. It’s just how things worked for them. 

At last, the second SUV pulled in and Jongho immediately opened his eyes to thank the driver. He was more than ready to leave the confined space and before anyone knew he had already hopped out the car. Mingi tapped San lightly and shook the older’s shoulder a bit and whispered, “We’re here.” With that San lifted his head up slowly and nodded delicately. Yunho who had unbuckled himself was on his way out of the car but Mingi managed to bounce out from the back seats to the door before he did. He did so so quickly that it shoved the pillar back into his seat. The others that were waiting outside all witnessed this and again bursted into a fit of laughter. Sighing at his best friend's childlike behavior, Yunho looked back at San who now had his head leaning against the window with his eyes closed. Not willing to just leave him there he quickly ducked into the backseats and zipped the boys jacket up, “Hey you can sleep in the dorms, come on lets wake up hm?” His voice was tender and smooth as he unbuckled San’s seat belt. 

Opening his eyes slowly the younger groaned in a small voice and again nodded but this time listening and following Yunho out the SUV like a lost kitten. The rest of the team who were all laughing earlier had now calmed down and were ready to leave. They all walked slowly towards their building, some sighing and some entirely quiet. Each dragging their legs behind the other the group stood in front of the elevator. Seonghwa mumbled to Hongjoong something about dinner and the smaller male nodded, clearing his voice quietly he looked at the group and asked, “do you guys have enough energy to have dinner?”

Most of them nodded yes but there was no clue to what San had said due to him being spaced out. Yunho wrapped his arms around the figure's shoulder and asked again, “up for dinner?” With this the shorter finally snapped out of his daydream and nodded slowly. To be honestly San wasn’t up for dinner, he was so tired that standing there for the elevator almost burned his legs. His muscles felt like glass and any light touch would shatter them but not wanting to worry the others by not eating he agreed.


	2. Failing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn’t reread this and am a bit sleepy so if this ends up somewhat confusing,,, I’m sorry ;;

As expected dinner was uneventful. They had ordered food and besides the jokes that were thrown out every so often, nothing much happened. Quiet conversations and chuckles from one another and another dinner with each other had passed. Taking turns each of them cleaned themselves up and got ready for bed.

Based on their daily game of Rock Paper Scissors before bed, San was unlucky enough to be the last in line to use the bathroom. Meaning by the time he had gotten to his shared room with Yunho, the light was already off and he could hear the soft breathing of his roommate. As quietly as ever the boy tried his best to climb up to the upper bunk without making much noise. This was harder than it seemed as his tired limbs wanted to do anything but use more energy to make himself quiet. Now that he had finally made it up to his little sanctuary he let out a soft sigh and whispered a small, “Goodnight…” before bunching up part of his comforter and begging himself, _Ok San… please just fall asleep…_ Lately he had found himself doing this more and more often, hoping and asking his own body to just shut down for the night so that he could get enough rest for the next morning. Sometimes if he’s lucky he’d sleep peacefully with no issues but others? Not a wink.

To be honest he didn’t know why this was the case, he just knew that it happens and nothing can really stop it. The comforter in his arms doesn’t seem to be working and he contemplated whether he should go out and grab a pillow from the living room couch or not to hug but the aching of his body refused. Laying there with shut lids, San focused onto the sound of Yunho’s breathing and felt the hard work of their practices hit him. Just as he thought he’d fall asleep he’d jolt awake like normal, shifting around uncomfortably he knew time was ticking by. Hours must have passed by now and his lids burned. His head hurt but just as the sun started to rise he finally drifted off. This wasn’t unusual and if it was the weekends San was completely fine with it since he could try and sleep during the day, maybe go and grab onto Wooyoung and ask if he’d be up to just let him nap next to him. Since his best friend was nice and knew of his habit he’d always agree. But sadly this wasn’t the weekend and worst of all today was their final practice before performing it on stage next week. So because of this, today’s practice has to go perfectly.

Yunho’s alarm rang so quietly which always had the group mates questioning how on earth he was able to wake up from it because San was never able to wake nor even hear it loud enough to wake up using it. But the pillar on the other hand had no issue with it. Always being able to get up a few minutes earlier than the rest and getting himself washed up before hearing the other 3 rooms alarms go off. He’d always make sure his room door was closed to keep it quiet for the male that was sleeping on the top bunk. 

Knowing that everyone is now awake, Yunho slowly climbed up to the upper bunk and sighed. He’d warn San this countless times about not sleeping with his head facing the ladder rather have his legs facing that direction. But the boy never listened so when Yunho got up there he was face to face with the younger. Using one arm to hold onto the ladder, he used the other to rustle through the white part on San’s hair. With strands running softly through his hands the taller whispered, “Hey it’s morning, lets wake up yeah?” Having part of the comforter still bunched up in his arms, San grunted and dug his face into the thick fabric before going back to sleep. Helplessly Yunho looked down at the clock that read 6:40am and licked his lips nervously. The SUV’s should be downstairs around 7:30 to pick them up and San still hadn’t washed himself up nor changed into anything. 

Again Yunho looked back at San ready to nag him on waking up again but saw that the other had a lot of his neck and part of his shoulders exposed. Taking advantage of having cold hands, Yunho cupped his larger than earth palms down onto the younger's neck earning him a small yelp. The sound of surprise almost sent a throb through the tallers chest. In all honesty the male couldn’t help but always be shocked by the small sounds San could make and it always made him feel a bit embarrassed because why on earth does he feel a bit shy hearing it? Any who, San was now peeking out of his blankets and met Yunho eye to eye. A small scowl appeared on his face in response to the shock of the coldness that had brushed onto his neck, heck the coldness that was still on his neck. Seeing this Yunho couldn’t help but chuckle while apologizing, “hah… sorry about that, you just didn’t want to wake up, why don’t you go wash up hmm?” 

San kept his eye contact with Yunho but reached his arms to grab a hold of the large hand on his neck before nodding. Maybe it was the sleepy state that he was in but even after getting down from his bunk he still found himself holding onto Yunho’s hands. Seeing that the older never commented on it or pulled his arm away, he just allowed the pillar to guide him into the bathroom. Getting ready was tough because his vision was a bit blurry at times today and he couldn’t really focus because of the lack of sleep. Not only that but he felt a bit… sad? _Maybe that comes with the ‘I only managed to get 2 hours of sleep’ package too,_ San thought to himself.

Yunho was already fully dressed, a simple black T-shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants. Nothing fancy because again, they were heading to the dance studio, not a fashion show. Comfort was key. But as he sat on his bed and watched San dig through his closet he tilted his head in confusion, “Hey San is something wrong? Are your clothes in the washer?”

At the sound of this the younger male seemed to come back into reality with an, “o-oh. Sorry, I was spacing out.”

Yunho cocked his head and hummed as he watched San slowly make his way over to his own closet and pick out his outfit. Again since it was only practice, San pulled out an oversized long sleeve and sweats. Pulling his pajamas off of himself, Yunho found his eyes trailing shamelessly through the curves of his roommates body and without even knowing he never once took his eyes off. Maybe the lack of sleep was getting to him too. Maybe he’s just spacing out like San was. 

Now that it was 7:00 am San had time to kill and so crawled into Yunho’s comforter before tugging softly onto the pillar's arms. Oh yeah, after watching the younger change, he just sat there frozen with thoughts running through his head. Feeling the tug he turned his head and heard a low, “can I hold onto this?” The way that came out sounded funny to the older. The way his arm was now an object wasn’t too appealing to hear but nevertheless, he laid his back against his headboard to allow the boy to curl up into him. Warm breaths caressed his forearm and he just sat there frozen like earlier as San caught a small 20 minutes of sleep that wasn’t enough for a body to function off of.

Once again when it hit 7:25am, Yunho’s alarm softly rang. Though this time it wasn’t just his, through the walls he could hear his friends do the same and before he could even wake San from his sleep, their room door burst open. Mingi was energetic as ever in the morning, popped his head in and smiled widely. Shifting his focus from Yunho, he quickly brought his gaze to the sleeping body snuggled up into his best friends arms and raised his eyebrows, “ohhh~” That sound was never good when it came from Mingi because whatever he was thinking wasn’t going to be right and his unique ways of thinking always jumps all over the place, cross seas and climbs mountains before landing on a flat out wrong conclusion. But instead of voicing his thoughts Mingi just crawled onto the already cramped bed and plopped down softly onto San. 

“Sannnnnnnn, it’s time to wake up,” Mingi nudged his head lightly into the boy's nape which gained him a small whine from San and a low groan from Yunho. 

Hearing the sound coming from the small body, Mingi too was shocked just like his best friend was earlier and teased, “aw our Sannie is so cuteee!” He continued to latch onto the older and by now Yunho was just about to fall off the bed, _his_ bed. With that he mumbled, “It’s cramped enough with the two of us.”

He had honestly thought that Mingi would take the hint and leave them be but instead muffled in San’s neck still, he mumbled, “then you should move to give us some room right?” The pillar was about to burst a vein at this point until Seonghwa peeked his head into their room to hurry the three, “Hey they’re parked downstairs, put on your jackets and get ready ok?” With this Mingi finally got off the smaller frame and hopped out. Sighing to himself Yunho looked over to San who still had his arms linked around his own and eyes half closed almost in a trance. 

“Hey, come on, I’ll grab your jacket.”

Pulling himself up felt harder than it looked, his muscles all ached from their intense schedule and tomorrow couldn’t come any sooner to the tall male. San had limply released his grasp of his arm allowing him to visit both his and the others closet for an outdoors coat. Quickly he wrapped his coat around himself before turning to approach San who had sat himself up and looking at the ground spaced out. Now thinking deeply about it, Yunho hadn’t heard much from the boy today. This didn’t sit well with him so as to make sure San hadn’t lost his voice he asked, “Are you ok?”

The question had seemed to knock San out of his little trance and caused him to look up at the taller for a couple of seconds before replying slowly, “y-yeah. I’m good.”

Something wasn’t right, not since last night and not till now when Yunho was zipping the shorter’ s jacket up all the way.

He had been quiet in the SUV while Mingi and Jongho were jamming out in the front of the car. Well more like Jongho doing his early high notes and Mingi screeching but jamming out seems more peaceful to the sounds being produced by half of the car right now. San still isn’t doing much and is slumped in the corner of his seat, Yunho couldn’t help but think he looks a bit down and too tired. They hadn’t had any makeup on as they don’t have any activities today and because of this, the dark circles under his eyes were more apparent than ever. _I should probably make sure he sleeps tonight…_ Yunho thought to himself before humming along to whatever it is that’s being played through the speakers.

  
-  
  


Today’s practice was eventful alright. So eventful that it had San hiding under his blankets whimpering. To be clear all the events hit him like a ton of bricks when he ended up back in the dorms. It flooded in his mind while he entered his shared room with Yunho. The amount of times he had been scolded today might have been more than he’d ever been yelled out for months. Today was supposed to be perfect. It had to be perfect because it was their last to make any changes and they had to make sure to do well for their upcoming stage. The whole entire time he was at the dance studio he had been spacing out, he couldn’t for the life of him focus. It’s like no matter how hard he tried everything felt blurry and all the noises were muffled. When his instructor started to call him out on his mistakes, he hadn’t even processed it. He just stood there frozen and silent, not being able to even take in the harshness of the older males frustration. He had just remembered leaving the studio late at night and his teammates telling him to not worry about it.

He hadn’t even registered the fact that Yunho had his hands holding onto his wrist tightly since they had left the studio. Only when they had entered their room did Yunho let go. Not knowing how to approach the situation, the taller followed in after and found San sitting on the lower bunk absorbing everything that had happened today. His eyes were red from the lack of sleep and maybe also from him trying to hold back tears. Yunho walked up to San and kneeled down onto the floor so he could be eye level with the younger, as calm and light as he could with his voice he whispered, “Do you want to shower first and head to bed?”

San didn’t feel any humiliation because he knew his friends would never make fun of him for messing up the choreography but he felt guilty for possibly ruining their upcoming performance. All he could think about was how he’d be on stage next week and forget everything he’d practiced for. He might as well forget the lyrics too if he messed up the choreography so badly but as the thought so lightly grazed his mind Yunho’s voice popped in. The softness of his tone had distracted San from his failures but had also made him feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Too embarrassed to go out now and possibly seeing his friends he shook his head and mumbled, “you can go first… I’ll go later…”

Yunho gave San’s thigh a small squeeze before standing up and patting the younger's head, “alright, the rest had already gotten ready for bed so if you need anything just call for me.”

As soon as Yunho left the room the feelings of guilt immediately flooded back to the boys mind, he thought back to how he had improved so much over the year and had no longer been considered the weak link in dance for their group. He remembers how the instructor had finally lightened up around him knowing of his hard work. He felt proud of his improvements but today just ruined it all. His tempo was off and he couldn’t remember the choreography and worst of all because of his mistakes he got in the ways of his teammates. With all of this on his chest he climbed up to the upper bunk sadly and just laid there. He didn’t want to be in Yunho’s way when he got back into the room after all.

Yunho didn’t take long in the shower, he quickly cleaned himself up and rushed back into their shared room quietly. The lights were still on and he could see from the entrance to their room that San was still up. The younger had his back propped up against the wall fidgeting with his fingers and hadn’t even heard the room door open. “Up for a shower still?”

-  
  


The lump that was stuck in his throat was finally let out in the shower. Quietly he just let the tears flow down with the water coming out of the shower head. He stayed there long enough to hope that Yunho would be asleep by the time he got back into their room. Stepping out of the confined space of the shower he looked at himself in the mirror and wanted to laugh, _I look like crap…_ Out of the whole group it wasn’t news that San had a low self esteem but it had gradually gotten better though looking at his reflection right now just worsened it. With his eyes bloodshot and dark circles under them he hoped the older would be long asleep allowing him to just sneak back into his bunk. He slid on a large hoodie and some sweatpants before tiptoeing through the halls for his room.

San lets out a small sigh of relief when he saw that there wasn’t light coming out under the door. Opening that door slowly he cursed at the creaks the wooden slap was creating.

 _The world must be against me_ , he thought because nothing was going his way. Continuing his light steps into the dark room he heard the soft breaths of Yunho and felt relieved again before climbing up to the upper bunk. Just like the day prior he begged his body to just fall asleep. But he knew it’ll be impossible with all the thoughts going through his mind right now. He misses his parents and wants to see them, he hadn't even had the time to call them let alone visit.

After messing up practice and being yelled at, feeling guilty and then wanting to see his parents suddenly made his eyes water again. Quickly San pulled his covers over his head and cried to himself. Small sniffles could be heard from the smaller body in the room and before long the lower bunk creaked. San froze at this and stopped breathing but hearing the noise below him seize he sniffed once more. But this time he felt weight being placed at the end of the bunk where his legs were. Peeking out of his comforter he could see a large figure slowly shifting himself closer. 

Yunho must have woken up from the noise and came to check on him because the pillar definitely had a face of concern even in the dark. The top bunk was more narrow than the bottom and before Yunho could even reach the middle of the bed there wasn’t much room for him to come any closer to San so he gently patted in front of him. It was like a beckoning, like he was commanding the small body to go over. Without much thought the smaller of the two crawled slowly and was now staring at Yunho with wet eyes. 

The younger hadn’t thought this far, what was he gonna do now that he is in front of Yunho? Should he say something? He should probably apologize right? Instead of any of that the taller man just took San by his hand and guided him to the lower bunk before reaching for the box of tissues and grabbing a couple of thin sheets. “Blow.” 

  
_Great, you’ve worked so hard to become an idol, you have a relatively large fan base and they all love you guys, you went from dancing like a ken doll with no joints to someone who no longer flails their arms around thoughtlessly, your movements are all controlled and are performed powerfully. With all of this you are now sitting on your roommates bed crying and not even being able to blow your own nose._ All of this ran through San’s mind as Yunho uttered his, “Blow.” But still he listens and does just that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have questions let me know, I’ll try to update as much as I can!


	3. Embarrassing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I’m sorry but I’ve not reread this and had typed this out in a couple of days without rereading what I had written prior so if theres a lot of grammar mistakes, typos, and things overlapping I apologize! Also if it gets confusing at any point let me know and ill try to go in and fix it or explain!

If Yunho wasn’t here San wouldn’t know what he was to be doing. Maybe curled up crying to himself until his body tires out and forcefully makes him sleep. Without Yunho he wouldn’t know when to wake up, this meant he’d miss all their practices and never even make it as an idol. Of course these weren’t entirely true, if he didn't wake up the other members would definitely come get him. But at this point he was just looking at the tallers face while the large pair of hands were wiping the tears off of his cheeks. 

Since San had been rubbing on them earlier, the light brushes of the tissue Yunho was using slightly stung his face. The pillar straightened his back and lifted his hands away from what he saw as the most fragile thing in the room at that moment. Breathing lightly and afraid to say anything as he felt doing anything might shatter the one sitting in front of him. The two of them sat there for what felt like forever in silence but truthfully it had only been a couple of minutes. San who was still sniffing and hyperventilating lowered his head and finally broke the silence with a short, “I’m sorry.” Yunho wasn’t sure what the boy was apologizing for but whatever it was he wasn’t one to fault anyone. Scooting himself closer to San, he patted the younger on the head and gently spoke, “there's nothing to be sorry for, if it's about today, don’t worry about it ok? You were just tired.” 

San’s head remained lowered and wanting to cheer the younger up, Yunho cups the boy's face and softly pinches both of the others cheeks. With his face raw from rubbing his cheeks earlier he winced at the slight touch but endured without any complaint. Once he was used to the burn on his cheeks San opened his mouth and murmured, “what if I don’t do well on stage? What then? I'll disappoint everyone…” Letting out a small sigh, Yunho smiles calmly and finally lets go of San’s face but not before caressing them softly, “like I said, you don’t have to worry, messing up is normal… and if you’re so worried we can go practice on Sunday ok? You can sleep in tomorrow and once you’re feeling better we can go practice till you get it.” Yunho could tell that what he just said definitely had the younger feeling much more reassured because the tense shoulders he previously had were now relaxed yet his face was still a bit unsure. Nervously San looked up at Yunho and mumbled, “can we go tomorrow?”

Yunho’s first response was to dismiss the idea completely since he knew what the younger needed right now wasn’t practice but more so sleep. He knew San performed just fine when he got the appropriate amount of rest, hell he knew San performed wonderfully. But looking at the younger’s pleading face he couldn’t refuse. Thinking that he’ll just make up some excuse tomorrow Yunho nodded while fiddling with his fingers, “well then, since we have plans for tomorrow why don’t we sleep? You can’t dance if you don’t have any energy in your body right?” Of course San knew this, but wanting to sleep and actually sleeping were very different topics and he wasn’t sure if he could do the latter. Tightening his fist he ready himself to be embarrassed with what he was about to ask. With his cheeks still red and tear stained, San inhaled deeply and blurted quickly, “can I sleep heRE—?” Shocked by what’s occurring in front of him Yunho couldn’t help but let out a laugh. He truly didn’t do that as a negative representation of how he was currently feeling but how else should he respond? The powerful and sexy image San had on stage compared to this one was too much for him and in addition with him puffing up his chest to ask so shyly… Yunho really couldn’t help it. 

Seeing as how Yunho had laughed, not even a chuckle but laughed, San’s shoulders drooped lowly in embarrassment as he shrunken into himself, “I’m sorry I don’t know what I’m talking about, I- I’ll go back up…” The shorter one quickly got up from the lower bunk and was about to sprint back into his bed and just die of embarrassment because yes he just asked his roommate who’s been consoling him if he could sleep on his bed. _Ah yes San that was definitely a great choice, first cry in front of your roommate, ruin his sleep then ask if you can ruin it any further by taking up space in his bed, good job!_ How he wanted to just bury himself somewhere where no one could find him, but he hadn't even taken a step before feeling a grip on his wrist. 

“Well that was my plan.”

San’s eyes darted towards Yunho’s face and held in his breath. He felt so bad because knowing the person Yunho was, the taller is probably just saying that as to save him some face. 

Standing there frozen the boy nibbled on his lips and huffed, “you don’t have to do that, you don’t have to be so nice. I know that I’m a bother, so I’ll just go back up… I’ve embarrassed myself enough.”

Yunho knitted his eyebrows and scowled. The smile or calm that always appeared on his face was nowhere to be seen and how he looked right now could be described as “mad”. His expression right now both scared San and also made him feel weird. But almost as soon as it appeared, it disappeared. The smile that was so often expressed on Yunho’s face took its place and the older cooed, “do what? I’m being honest here ok? Why else did I bring you down? just to blow your nose hah.” His chuckle was soft with no ill intent just like the soft grip still hugged onto San’s wrist right now. So with that the boy gave in and climbed back into Yunho’s bed. The larger of the two scooted to the outer part of the bed and invited San to the side closer to the wall by patting the mattress firmly. With a lot of hesitation the small frame shyly curled up extremely close to the wall. If you'd ask San right now he might tell you that he was trying to merge and become one with the wall so he’d just disappear because of how close his body came to it. With all of his effort he tried to not take up any space from Yunho. 

Though the older man seemed to have different plans, using his hands he propped his head up and tapped San gently on his shoulders, “hey look at me?” What came out as a question to San sounded like a command and so without thinking turned over and was now facing the male. Though not too close, the boy still felt his stomach jittering all over the place. Seeing Yunho’s welcoming smile didn’t help either but he soon felt a pair of arms pulling him closer causing him to release a quiet gasp. Yunho had pulled him into an embrace and rested his chin onto San’s head. 

The silence in the room didn't last long as Yunho quickly hummed, “Can I do this?”

The position that the two were in currently were not at all uncomfortable and to be truthful;, it was a lot better than breathing in the wall like he was doing earlier. Plus this meant he was also hugging something, well someone which hopefully will allow him to sleep. So with no negative, San nodded into Yunho’s chest. A smile had appeared on the larger’s face without San’s knowledge while the two drifted off.

-

When San had woken up the next morning it was already 4pm in the afternoon and he felt how puffy his eyes were right away. The warmth around him had disappeared and he darted his eyes across the room. No one. Yunho was nowhere to be seen and hadn't woken him up either. Quickly he made his way out of their room to the living room where six of the others sat. Some were lazing around and watching a show on the couch while others were playing some board games on the open floor. Though all of their attention had darted to San right away when he appeared. Their once carefree appearance had now formed into some of either worry or sorrow seeing as his eyes were puffy and cheeks somewhat tear stained. 

Wooyoung and Seonghwa who were on the couch hurriedly got up and rushed to San to see how he was doing and those who were on the floor followed suit. Jongho had gone to the kitchen and retrieved a glass of water as the other bombarded the boy with questions. Feeling more clear headed and less exhausted today San smiled shyly letting the others know that he’s doing a lot better and told the others not to worry as Yunho had cheered him up a lot yesterday. _Speaking of Yunho…_ “Do you guys know where Yunho is?”

Hearing the question, Mingi ran his hands through his red hair and groaned, “ah that guy, he didn't say much, he just said he had to get some stuff, not sure what but he left a couple of hours ago. Do you want me to give him a call?” San quickly shook his head because he didn’t want to bug Yunho anymore than he had yesterday and whatever he was doing must’ve been important if he was taking so long. 

The afternoon passed by with no issue but the rest of the boys did make sure to watch San every so often just to make sure he was truly fine and sure enough he was.

While San sat with the others on their open floor Mingi suggested a game. After the young man explained what the game was about Yeosang chuckled, “but there's no game aspect to it at all—“

—

Yunho who had woken up at 1pm was currently going from store to store with no luck in what he was looking for. The item was either way too big or way too small. Going around looking for a stuffed animal that was the perfect size was harder than he expected and when he did find the perfect size the toy was either too stiff and uncomfortable to hug or way too soft to the touch. Oh or just ugly. Seeing as how San struggles to sleep he knew that not just any plush would do so as he hopped from store to store he had completely lost track of time. By the time he checked his map for the last shop he planned to visit it was already around 4:30 pm. Quickening his pace, Yunho made his way into the shop and immediately the stuffed animal sitting on the top shelf of the store caught his attention. Reaching his arms up he easily plucked it from the shelf and gave the bear a gentle squeeze. He had gotten so excited that he had let out an audible, “yep.”

On his way home he checks his phone to see that Mingi had messaged him a couple of minutes ago. A simple, “wya” with no question mark which suited the red head quite well. Yunho quickly responded with one hand that he’s a couple of blocks from home and that was that.

Before long the pillar found himself pressing in the pin of their shared apartment but with the wall still in front of him he could already hear the laughing and cheering of his friends. Wondering what’s going on, he quickened his pace and pressed in the last digit of their password to be welcome with his members cheering Mingi and San on. Mingi currently had his arms wrapped around the smallers waist and San was chuckling as he tried his best to get out of the males grasp. Though before they could finish Hongjoong shouted, “hey welcome home!’’ The rest followed in suit and Yunho asked, “what’re you guys um... playing?” 

Yeosang rolled his eyes and laughed, “well Mingi’s made up game where there's two players per game, who ever wins move onto the next round with the other player but basically you have to play Rock Paper Scissors, whoever wins gets to choose if they want to be the hugger or the breaker. The breakers goal is the get out of the huggers grasp. The winner of all the games doesn't have to do any house chores for a week. Oh and I’m the referee because you weren’t here to make the numbers even.”

Yunho hummed at this and looked at the tight grasp Mingi still had on San’s waist. That was when Wooyoung cooed, “wow Mingi you have some large hands, try cupping Sannie’s waist!” Now everyone knew where this was going and thought there was no way the red haired member would fall for it. After all it was illogical because sure Mingi’s hands were big, there’d still be no way for him to fully cover the circumference of San’s waist. Still they sat there nodding to see if Mingi truly would fall for such a trick.

Mingi releases San from his grasp and Yeosang rolls his eyes, “Mingi loses, San is the winner.” At this the taller of the two looked clueless, “wait what?” Jongho cocked his head to the side and scoffed, “Mingi hyung you just let go, which means San Hyung won!” 

Still looking confused, the room broke into a pool of laughter and Wooyoung who was watching from the couch again started, “hah, but why don’t you try to see how your hands fit though?” San seemed to have no issue with this and lifted up his shirt to reveal just enough of his waist for Mingi to make his attempt. As everyone expected, the pair of hands did cover a lot of skin but couldn’t make it around his waist fully. This was when Seonghwa suggested, “hey Yunho you’re the tallest, why don’t you give it a try?” 

Yunho who was still standing by the front door sighed and nodded. He made his way over to the couch and was about to reach where San and Mingi were before the redhead informed, “Actually Yunho and I have the same arm length and hand size so there's really no need to try. We compared our hands during a live last time!” Hearing this the others all groaned in disappointment while Mingi just gave Yunho a sly look. Yunho knew what the other was doing, bastard was out here trying to make him jealous and worst of all, after the look Mingi commented, “San’s skin is very smooth, I’m jealous~” 

Rolling his eyes, Yunho walked to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water and called out to San who was still chuckling with the others in the living room, “San, the bag on the couch, that’s for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I’m so sorry for any typos, mistakes and overlapping if there are any! I haven’t had much time lately so feel free to let me know if you’re confused on any part! I’ll try to update this regularly. -bean


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